Jarratt picked me up around 08:00. He got out and doffed his cap whilst voicing a cheerful “mornin’ sir”, “good morning to you Jarratt”, I exclaimed, “though do please remember the Kings English requires there to be a G on the end of that word” “Sorry sir” came the somewhat subdued and disgruntled reply.
I stood next to the vehicle and waited for him to stow my pack and open my door. Two minutes later we were off and what a splendid morning it was, with sun breaking through ever more dissipating cloud cover, heralding the start of spring and another ripping climbing season.
Suddenly, and without any consultation, Jarratt switched on what I could only describe as a “top 40 station”. I shot him a darting look and he quickly quelled the foul tones. “I thought we had an agreement Robert” I said, using his full first name to add weight to the admonishment, “we only use two stations, Radio 3 for the ears and Radio 4 for the mind, an Englishman’s faculties require nought else from the radio frequency spectrum”.
Jarratt was now looking a bit sullen and I was feeling I may have been somewhat harsh with him. I decided I would lighten the mood a little and move our thoughts onto the provisions for the day’s events and specifically the alcoholic beverages. “Which Port did you pack?” I inquired with eager anticipation of the reply, however there was no verbal reply, just half closing of the eyes and slight drooping of the head and shoulders. “Oh, for god’s sake don’t tell me you have forgotten it!” I said. With a faintly trembling voice he embarked upon a somewhat pathetic story about how his ferrets had escaped during the night and how one of his foul tempered neighbours was on his doorstep at six o’clock in the morning holding aloft dead chickens and asking for immediate recompense. ‘So yer see Sir, I wos payin out money and searching the neighbourhood fo’ mi ferrets and got a bit distracted’. I tried to feel sorry for him……..I failed.
The trip was a most interesting one to be fair, and a great many subjects were broached upon, including the speed of SSD hard drives, the merits of using guide mode to belay and the relative stopping power of a Tricam. There was some discussion around music where I was of the opinion that Jazz consisted of playing any bloody note you felt like whilst Jarratt tried hard to convince me that he really didn’t still have a crush on Kate Bush. ‘Me thinks thou doth protest too much’ I said somewhat wearily, only to then have to roll my eyes when he asked me what a ‘doth’ was. As we approached our destination the sun was at her gay best and the scenery seemed to become more beautiful with every yard. We decanted from our vehicle and went in search of the honesty box.
Twistleton Scar Part 2
No driver for us so by the time we arrived at Twistleton Scar Dan and his man servant Rob were already gearing up at the bottom of the crag. We had a leisurely coffee from our flask whilst gazing up at the crag, paid our £2 into the honesty box and set off up the hill. A very reasonable walk in and once there a fantastic view across the valley to Ingleborough.
When we reached the base of the crag Rob was half way up ‘Left Hand Crack’ (or was it ‘Right Hand Crack’ !) and finding it a bit of a struggle probably due to a lack of relaxation on the drive up after having to defend his infatuation with Kate Bush.
Bill decided to delegate leading routes to me so I had to step up to the mark and decided to start on a VD called ‘Bay Wall’ which turned out to be quite a nice slab route with a prickly bush near the top.
When we returned to the bottom of the crag Rob had decided to introduce Dan to the art of hand jamming by taking him up ‘Handjam Crack’. Dan didn’t seem to be enjoying it very much ! Was this retaliation for complaining about Rob’s musical preferences on the journey up.
By the time they finished the route it was time for lunch with Dan supplying cake from his hamper but alas no Port. (Thank you Dan’s Mum for a lovely bit of cake).
Following lunch I decided it was time to try another lead and Dan set off in search of a longer climb (without any jamming cracks). I chose ‘Christine’ a Diff, slightly on the recommendation of two random guys who had climbed it earlier. It consisted of climbing a chimney behind the ‘mushroom’ and once it’s top was reached, the wall behind it. I have to say that the chimney was a bit of a squeeze and I did wonder if Bill was going to be able to fit through ! (he did). I also discovered on reaching the top that I had managed to jettison a whole set of nuts whilst squeezing my body up the chimney (good thing that I didn’t need them on the top half). Once through the chimney the top half of the climb was a delight.
When it started raining we all decided to adjourn to a nearby hostelry in Ingleton for a well earned drink prior to setting off home.
Despite only managing two climbs it was a thoroughly enjoyable day at a new venue and we are definitely looking forward to a return visit.
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